By the ElderTree Care Team
Many LGBTQ+ older adults have spent years unsure whether they would be welcome at a doctor’s office or a care community. That worry can make it harder to ask for help later in life.
At ElderTree, we have worked with many LGBTQ+ clients, their partners and their families. Most come to us for the same reasons anyone does, like a dementia diagnosis or a move. Being LGBTQ+ can still shape where someone feels at home and who they want involved in their care.
You decide what to share
You don’t have to tell us about your sexual orientation or gender identity. Share as much or as little as you like. We use the name and pronouns you ask us to use, and we only pass personal details to doctors or care providers with your permission.
Who makes decisions for you
Without paperwork, hospitals and banks may turn to your legal next of kin, who may not be the person you’d choose. This matters most for partners who aren’t married and for chosen family, the close friends who have become family.
These documents put your wishes in writing:
- An advance medical directive, naming who makes health decisions if you can’t
- A durable power of attorney for finances
- A will or trust, with current beneficiaries on your accounts and insurance
- Written wishes for end-of-life care and your funeral
Hospitals that take Medicare must let patients choose their own visitors, including a partner or friend. Having it in writing still helps.
We aren’t attorneys. We help you see what’s missing and connect you with people who can help, such as elder law attorneys and financial advisors.
Choosing your community
When it’s time to think about a new home or help at home, people often ask us:
- Will I feel at home here?
- Are there other people like me?
- Can my partner and I live together?
We know the assisted living communities, memory care homes and home care agencies across Virginia, DC and Maryland. We match people with places all the time, by personality, language and interests. When it helps, we ask the questions you may not want to ask yourself, like what training the staff have had.
If a move is needed, we help plan it. Afterward, we check in with you to make sure you feel at home, and we work with you if something needs to change.
Not everyone wants to move. If you’d rather stay where you are, we also offer virtual care management. We support you and your family by phone and video, wherever you live.
Staying connected
Many LGBTQ+ older adults live alone or don’t have children, and some have lost touch with their birth family. When health changes, there may be less help close by. We watch for loneliness and depression, and help people stay close to friends and find groups where they feel welcome.
For partners and families
If you’re caring for a loved one who is LGBTQ+, we include you in care planning the way your loved one wants. That might be a spouse, a partner or a close friend.
Talk with us
If you’re not sure what kind of help you need, call us at (703) 424-7575, or visit Where to Start to find the situation closest to yours.
Resources
- SAGE, the national organization for LGBTQ+ older adults: sageusa.org
- Whitman-Walker Health, LGBTQ+ health care in Washington, DC: whitman-walker.org
- Virginia’s advance medical directive form, from your doctor or an elder law attorney
Share This Article
